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 Altered Project story discussion thread, or: how I learned to talk about stories
KingFisher
 Posted: Jul 13 2013, 04:00 AM

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Discuss stories related to the Altered Project here, do not post full stories.

Say which story you're referring to and then feel free to post any comments or questions about it.

If you want to post a story do so in "The Altered Project stories"thread...


Faith in chaos
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 Posted: Jul 13 2013, 04:07 AM

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Okay so I posted a story here...

And um... What do you guys think of it? Personally I think the ending kinda sucked, but I'll make it better later when I'm not super-tired and it's not 4 am. So, um. Thoughts, feedback, critiques. All are appretiated.

This post has been edited by Brahian: Jul 13 2013, 04:07 AM


Ragnarok
Come Day of Wrath, O Pulse l'Cie
Embrace thy fate, thine home to burn
That fallen souls may bear our plea
To hasten the Divine's return
O Piteous Wanderer, Ragnarok
Make of this day a grave epoch
Deliver the Divine, Ragnarok
KingFisher
 Posted: Jul 13 2013, 04:19 AM

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I read Hello, I've been expecting youand like the concept.

The personal feel and conversational style is nice, though "I was once a beautiful human girl... much like you." takes me out of it for a moment.

my only real question/comment is that you don't explain much about them, they're a hungry monster which is the basics...but without reading the thread on the altered forum the rest is unknown.

I know you plan on writing more about them which will explain some, but in the end how much are you wanting to keep a mystery? Is always having some unknowns a big part of this concept?

This post has been edited by KingFisher: Jul 13 2013, 04:27 AM


Faith in chaos
Afterwards
 Posted: Jul 13 2013, 05:26 PM

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QUOTE (KingFisher @ Jul 13 2013, 04:19 AM)
I read Hello, I've been expecting youand like the concept.

The personal feel and conversational style is nice, though "I was once a beautiful human girl... much like you." takes me out of it for a moment.


And that line has now been edited.

QUOTE
my only real question/comment is that you don't explain much about them, they're a hungry monster which is the basics...but without reading the thread on the altered forum the rest is unknown.

I know you plan on writing more about them which will explain some, but in the end how much are you wanting to keep a mystery? Is always having some unknowns a big part of this concept?


Well, I'm not sure... I mean, it probably will have some unknowns. I mainly just wrote whatever came to mind.


Ragnarok
Come Day of Wrath, O Pulse l'Cie
Embrace thy fate, thine home to burn
That fallen souls may bear our plea
To hasten the Divine's return
O Piteous Wanderer, Ragnarok
Make of this day a grave epoch
Deliver the Divine, Ragnarok
The Administrator
 Posted: Jul 13 2013, 11:58 PM

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Your story is good Brahian ^-^ I like it.


⊗ The Administrator is always watching. ⊗
DarkShadows
 Posted: Jul 14 2013, 06:17 PM

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I liked it, Brah. It could be more polished (the ending in particular), maybe a bit creepier. Your concept for the creature in the story also reminds me of that giant spider from LotR, Shelob, but more polite? Otherwise, I enjoyed it.

... also okay someone make an Altered that is really spider-like, we need one to oppose Handy's millipede-like form.


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Kiro Cloudwatcher
 Posted: Jul 15 2013, 07:05 AM

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Posted another story for the charred one in the story thread.

Not sure what to discuss about it apart from its crappyness.

It was rushed and it shows..

I really need more practice with these short stories. Can't even call them creepy pasta because, not so creepy.

One is more "feelspasta" and this one is just crap.

Oh well.

And no this story is not cannon for the charred one.


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Afterwards
 Posted: Jul 15 2013, 08:16 PM

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Okay, I edited my story, pretty much completely reworked the second half, and I think it's a lot better now, and explains my Altered a bit more.

Also, Espie, will these be going onto the creepypasta blog? 'Cause if so, mine is good and ready to be posted and everything ^^


Ragnarok
Come Day of Wrath, O Pulse l'Cie
Embrace thy fate, thine home to burn
That fallen souls may bear our plea
To hasten the Divine's return
O Piteous Wanderer, Ragnarok
Make of this day a grave epoch
Deliver the Divine, Ragnarok
KingFisher
 Posted: Jul 16 2013, 12:37 AM

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Brah, good stuff.

I like the edit, remember that everything currently posted is in a sort of continuous "rough draft" until sept 1st, this gives us a chance to post and discuss but also make changes as the time goes on to really find what we're aiming for with this event.


Espy, I like what you're doing.

Super simple and I don't have much to say, but I know you're thinking about expanding your ideas and anything you do over the next few months (read: anything I force you to do) will only build on your work so far.



Kiro, Two stories, I like your style!

QUOTE
I wrote something. I didn't pay attention to quality, I just wrote something


This made me laugh, don't worry, it's fine...as I said to Brah everything is in a state of rough draft and if you don't use it then you don't, if you improve it then you do and if you keep it as it is then we love it anyway.

QUOTE
He ripped off my legs. Yet I can still walk.
And gouged out my eyes. Yet I can still see.
Tore out my heart. Yet I still live.


This quote is intriguing , i'll be seeing where this goes!

As for your other story, expect those "she's hot" jokes to continue long after it's funny.

I do like how you set it up, not so much as an in-universe story but as a creepy pasta. This is the sort of story I could see you altering (pun very much intended) as the event goes on and you come up with more nuances that you want to bring out. The set up is fine, I love the concept, I am just trying to think of ways to make it more...creepy... as it is very much creepy pasta style.

How do you leave that lingering question of whether it's real?


So far these are all great!


Faith in chaos
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 Posted: Jul 16 2013, 09:16 AM

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I made a story about a spiderwoman. Discuss.

I think the prose is kinda weird, but... It seemed right.

You might also notice I strayed from the Weeping Willow's usual form of dialogue. Again, it just felt right.

And I put a little shoutout to the Nightlanders for you, Eric ^^


Ragnarok
Come Day of Wrath, O Pulse l'Cie
Embrace thy fate, thine home to burn
That fallen souls may bear our plea
To hasten the Divine's return
O Piteous Wanderer, Ragnarok
Make of this day a grave epoch
Deliver the Divine, Ragnarok
WereMagi
 Posted: Jul 23 2013, 02:25 AM

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QUOTE (DarkShadows @ Jul 23 2013, 11:38 AM - In regards to "i am not to be feared")
A good start, but could use more elaboration. I like the concept of an Altered that is masked, maybe hiding something far worse underneath...

Also, got a name for this Altered? Is he an actual child or is he just taking the appearance of one? Got an origin? Maybe he's a normal Proxy that was later Altered, hence the mask. Or is he left to be shrouded in mystery?


It's behind the mask that really scares people, the mask limits it to that the effects portrayed in the story. YOU DO NOT WANT THE MASK TAKEN OFF WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE FACE. The only way to really scare this human horror is a mirror.

He has no name, but is he scared of what happened to him and that everyone is afriad of him. He fears you just as much as you fear him, but he thinks of a different level.

When afraid, we respond with the Fight, Flight or Freeze response. This child responds always with fight. You may have made him jump by banging something near him without knowing he was there, he will still jump you and kill you. No one knows how he kills them, by the way.


Once I have Willow Mythos stuff to link, I'll update this here signature.

Until then, WOOF WOOF MOFOS!
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DarkShadows
 Posted: Jul 23 2013, 12:46 PM

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Aww, that's... that's really sad. :c

I definitely like this concept, and the idea of having a being that is just as afraid of you (and of itself) as you are afraid of them. Also, the implication that if you're seeing him you just need to leave him alone and try not to scare him, both sad and creepy. Wonderful concept.


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WereMagi
 Posted: Jul 23 2013, 04:36 PM

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QUOTE (DarkShadows @ Jul 24 2013, 03:46 AM)
Aww, that's... that's really sad. :c

I definitely like this concept, and the idea of having a being that is just as afraid of you (and of itself) as you are afraid of them. Also, the implication that if you're seeing him you just need to leave him alone and try not to scare him, both sad and creepy. Wonderful concept.


Only few people can get close to him, and those are only Altered and Servants. Really, few kind enough to him could change him, but I like to keep it open.


Once I have Willow Mythos stuff to link, I'll update this here signature.

Until then, WOOF WOOF MOFOS!
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KingFisher
 Posted: Aug 28 2013, 05:19 AM

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I agree with Shadows, I love the concept of the monster being scared.

QUOTE
The only way to really scare this human horror is a mirror.


This seems like it could have a good "reveal" in a story.

I'll be spending time here going through everyone's stories a second time as we reach the sept1st deadline.


Faith in chaos
WereMagi
 Posted: Aug 28 2013, 05:56 AM

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I'm not gonna make the deadline, what with not writing, as you know Eric. But yeah, I'll pick up when I get back into it and finish off his story.

Also,
The fear around him


Once I have Willow Mythos stuff to link, I'll update this here signature.

Until then, WOOF WOOF MOFOS!
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